Is giving up bad?
When I first met you, I was already 3 heartbreaks old. Desperate for love, naïve, I don’t know but I still wasn’t bitter. You know the feeling you have that maybe the next one will be the one and if you stop trying, you’ll regret it? Maybe that’s the feeling that kept me going. Maybe that is why when I first saw you in that dress, walking towards me asking for directions to the canteen, I was smitten instantly.
Who would’ve thought that sharing a Coke in peak summers would make me fall for you? Not me, for sure. But when you snorted that Coke out of your nose because you were laughing too hard at my jokes when nobody did, that is when I knew that maybe you were the one. The one who would finally understand me. When we fell in love, it was love like love was meant to be. No judgment, no misunderstandings, it just felt right. Pure. It was like the pain of those heartbreaks slowly faded away behind those curved lips. Each time I held your hand, you took away parts of me that I wanted to forget and replaced them with happier, more beautiful memories.
But then poof! It ended. Too soon. Honestly, I’m even a little fuzzy on why. Whenever I re-read our conversations, I see us being ourselves, having our random conversations and then one day, it all changed. Maybe you lost interest in me, maybe I did something wrong that I still haven’t realized? Or maybe, I was never worth it? You never gave me a reason. Was it easy for you? I gave us everything I had, everything I could’ve given and for some reason, I still came short somewhere. Relationships do have this power you know? They can make you feel like a winner and a loser at the same time. And, I’ve never felt more like a loser than I felt when you left.
It’s nice to read motivational quotes and feel inspired; “You can do it.” “Try harder.” “It’s only the beginning.” But maybe this time it isn’t the beginning. Maybe this is it. You broke my trust. You took away the last glimmer of hope I had in love. I can’t unlove you. I don’t think anyone can unlove anyone, you just find someone you love more. But who’ll do the efforts again? Who’ll give someone the directions to the canteen again just to be stepped on and over? I don’t feel like it anymore. They say, ‘Never say never but when it comes to love, I give up.
Jatin
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