Losing a Part of You | Sneha

The one thing that had been consistent all my life ever since I was eight has been my diary. It was my brother who once said to me while giving me one of his favourite pens (which before that day I wasn’t even allowed to touch), “Everyone will leave one day, but this pen will always be your friend.” I know, heavy stuff for an eight-year-old, but honestly, I wanted that pen, so, I did what anyone would do in that situation- nodded and accepted it. And just like that sometime later that year, I started scribbling at the back of my notebooks (later I learnt they were parodies) and it continued. 

Fast forward to 2016, I started my post-graduation and things began to change. Up until then, I had been writing consistently- in recess and at home when I was in school, in classes and late at night while pursuing my graduation. I once even wrote a poem on the back of my question paper when is in class tenth. But as the semesters passed I kind of stopped writing. I told myself it was just a phase but the phase followed me till my first job and stuck till my second job as well. I wrote a couple of poems here and there but could never become consistent.

Gradually, I started questioning myself and end up in a mental space where I started hating myself. I felt like a liar for calling myself an aspiring writer- which impacted not only my work (as a content writer) but also made me feel I was losing myself. Giving up on the haven I had created with my words. I even began thinking of changing professions and starting from scratch. Came to a dark phase where I wanted to give up on the one dream I have always had, the dream for which I had fought with everyone for becoming a writer. Everything seemed like a waste, I felt I was done professionally and to some amount personally.

Then one fine day, I came across an Instagram sponsored post for an open mic event. Even though I hadn’t written anything recently, I did have a sufficient collection of poems to read from. So, after I guess three days of saving the post, I finally registered and went in. When the day came I went, was the first performer, and with a couple of fumbles (okay, they were more than a couple), I read a poem that was close to my heart.

It was a great evening, when I slept that night my heart felt full. I felt things were going to change as I closed my eyes. And they did! I WAS BACK! Within a week I had started writing again. My mind was constantly filled with ideas and prompts. Within a couple of months there came a day- the day I wrote as many as NINE couplets, and TWO full-length poems! 

Things have been pretty much the same since then. I’m way more consistent. There has been no going back (thankfully)! And guess what, the event was by THE WELLBEING BLOG, Calm in the Storm. So, as you read this you might have deciphered, I have become consistent here as well.

If you are reading this and the first half seems sort of personal, well then, please hold on and stop questioning yourself. Explore ways, hit a restart, find your tribe but no matter what- don’t give up on that DREAM!


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