Being in Indian society, it is very hard to come out about your sexuality even if you have self-acceptance. You are taunted and stereotyped and whatnot. Even today so-called “open-minded” generation have a hard time accepting someone else sexuality or preference. Therefore, many stay quiet.
It was quite recently I discovered the word called Demisexual. Not sure if you have heard it before. It’s the word explained for people who needs a strong emotional connection to finally feel attracted towards someone irrespective of gender. I associated it with myself and it made difference, simply answering why I can not just randomly like someone or feel attracted without any emotional bonding.
Honestly, a lot of people think it is boring or to be old school or perhaps old fashion to wait until you develop a connection. I feel that being demisexual, I do not waste a lot of time and energy in making friendships and relationships out of sexual desires. For me, being emotionally active is more important than any pleasure. For me, a strong mental connection is a foundation for any physical or sexual attraction I might develop with a person.
It’s about those quiet moments and shared understandings. It’s giving myself permission to take off my mask and be real and vulnerable in front of them, it’s about knowing they’ll be there when I can’t be strong anymore.
I don’t desire sex; I desire the deepest connection and the level of understanding is what I crave. I am not saying sex is not important but it comes only after I feel like we have a deep bond in other ways first. It’s normal for me to get crushes. I enjoy looking at someone’s face for a bit. It’s normal but I require the time for understanding the person.
But the idea of the whole demisexuality is opposed as some people just consider it as a philosophical belief, rather than sexuality. Some does not even count it in LGBTQ rather see them as asexual. Some even comment I have not found the right guy who can make satisfy me sexually. But it’s not true at all. Any kind of touch is not good enough for me to feel sexual without having an emotional bond. I crave for deeper understanding of a person irrespective of gender. For feeling to be sexually attracted, I need to have a deeper connection. Then, only I let my heart out, I feel at home, I feel safe and connected to that person.
By this, I believe that my relationships have been extremely meaningful. Sexual attraction was just an extension of the relationship.
Even after every criticism or stereotyping, I would say, you as a person do not need to explain your sexuality to people or rather labelling. It is just that you have to understand, accept, love and embrace, even if you initially do not understand.
Be kind to yourself and one another who is struggling to come out and help them. Encourage and support them in every way you can.
Triah
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