2020, the “Year-that-must-not-be-named”. I never thought a four-digit number could possess this much weight. It takes a lot of effort to even talk about it. The pain, the hardships, the fear, the confusion. Most of us want to forget everything that happened this year, wake up one morning and believe this was nothing but a horrible nightmare.

I asked a lot of people, if they were to sum this entire year up in one word, what would it be. “Unexpected”, “disastrous”, “confusing”, “surprising”, “exhausting” are some of the words that people used to describe their experiences and journey in 2020. If I had to describe 2020 in a few words, I would say it was like spending time in an Amusement Park.

Living in 2020 has been like riding the most dangerous roller-coaster of my life. I had the heartiest of the laughs, loudest of cries. The warmest welcomes and the hardest goodbyes. It was slowly reaching the top only to let the fear consume me as the roller-coaster suddenly plunges down. There were moments where I felt I was in a Haunted House. I was so afraid that I wanted to scream and cry, and run away. There were also times when I was disappointed by how everything was turning out to be, like losing every game I play in a row, even that plushie at the Clawing Machine just before it reached the collecting box. I regretted and mourned over losing the things and the people who meant the world to me as well, like that thread of the balloon slipping from my fingers and flying into the sky, that cap that flew off my head while I was on a ride, that plushie I just won falling out of my grasp and getting lost somewhere in the crowd. All these things making me blame myself…”if only I had held them tighter. If only I had paid more attention.”

But besides all this there were also moments where I was so excited that I wanted to forget everything and everyone else and just sing and dance along the music which played in the background. Moments where I was as happy as a child who won something at a game. I also created memories which were as sweet as the cotton candy, and as beautiful as the view from the top of the Ferris Wheel. I laughed till I couldn’t breathe anymore, grew to love things I never tried before, found a family of people I didn’t even know until last year…

Somehow, along the year, I learnt more about myself, my likes, my wishes, my dreams. Somehow, along the year, I found what I really wanted, truly desired. Somehow, in 2020, I found myself.

2020 has taught me to savour every moment, smile and laugh more often, find happiness in even the smallest of the things, to do things that I love and want to do without caring about anyone (I started learning Latin because I found it fascinating even though everyone said there is no point learning a dead language), tell people the things I want to before it is too late, and the most important one… to not worry and stress about things because no one knows what the future would bring, nor anyone can change it.

So, as much I hate this year and wish to turn back time to start over, I am glad 2020 gave me everything that I needed to become a stronger ME.

Happy New Year!